Requiem for a Nickel
by ViridianVenus
Summary: One shot character insight. Wanda's thoughts after the events of 'The Big Bash'


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairly Odd Parents. If I did Jerk Cosmo would never have come into existence.

**Author's note:** This is my first FOP fanfiction (probably my last too, it's very rare I get a full idea for anything). I wrote it because the events of the episode 'The Big Bash' really bugged me. Most people say 'Big Wanda' is the worst episode as far as Wanda and Cosmo's relationship goes but for some reason it's this episode that struck me the most. Obviously spoilers abound. Special thanks to Wanda Wish for giving this a beta-read.

**Requiem for a Nickel **

By Venus23

He named it Susan. It's male. Somehow I'm not surprised. What does surprise me is how long Cosmo's spent shining the stupid thing. For someone with such a short attention span you'd think he'd have lost interest after the fifth shining, yet here he is, still going strong with what has to be the shiniest nickel in history. He's actually been alternating between this new nickel, Susan, and his old one, Phillip. Evidently he doesn't want Phillip to get jealous over her new baby brother.

I don't know what Phillip's thoughts are on the subject, but personally I've never hated an inanimate object more in my life. Not because of what it is, or even because of how he got it, but because of what it represents. A physical token of our rapidly failing relationship. And that's a hard thing to admit. Even to myself. Denial and avoidance had been my coping method of choice until now.

And cookie dough. Obscene amounts of cookie dough.

But how can I ignore such a blatant reminder? He'll probably end up sleeping with it, as he does with Phillip, so it'll be the last thing I see before going to bed and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.

Now he's got it cradled in his arms. Hugging it like he hasn't hugged me in ages. For a moment I am almost overwhelmed by the sudden urge to blast that nickel into nothingness. I stamp the urge down though. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my own emotions the last thing I want is to have to deal with Cosmo's.

He won that nickel in a bet today. A bet where I was placed as his collateral. Turns out our ten-thousand-plus year relationship isn't even worth five cents to him. I guess it's lucky for me that Juandissimo didn't offer up _two_ shiny nickels or Cosmo might've just handed me over outright; no bet needed.

I went into a fairly decent rage when I found out. Hadn't really meant to; usually when Cosmo does something hurtful I glare at him for a second or two before pasting a smile back onto my face. I don't usually make a very big deal out of it. I do it mostly for Timmy's sake. It wouldn't be fair to pull him into an adult problem. And it wouldn't be much fun to watch me get into it with Cosmo all the time. As Godparents we're supposed to inject a little fun into his life until he becomes old enough to deal with the fact that the real world is actually a real disappointment. Realizing that there is no such thing as 'happily ever after' even for fairies is way too much of a reality check for a ten year old.

Admittedly I also do it partially for my own sake. It's humiliating enough that he demeans me in front of witnesses, the last thing I want to do is cause a scene. I'd rather everyone just move on to the next topic and forget he even said anything at all.

But today I just couldn't help but lose my cool. Nothing _anyone_ has ever said or done to me cut as deeply as this did. The comments he makes I can convince myself were just bad jokes, the lusting after other fairies, just hero worship over celebrities or testosterone based reactions to bimbo eye candy. But how do I rationalize today? He bet me. He put our marriage at stake. It wasn't just a one-off comment. It was an action. They say that actions speak louder then words. I never actually believed that. His words were speaking loud enough on their own, but after today I see the merit in that old saying. Then later, when it seemed that he was going to lose and he was beginning to panic it was the potential loss of the nickel he was most concerned with, not me. He added my name as an afterthought. Probably because I was still floating right there and he didn't want me to start strangling him again.

I can handle not being his first priority. That's a position I've been in all my life. Blonda was always mom's favorite. Probably because of how much alike they were. Daddy always put his business first and has now hooked up with my mother-in-law and finds the way she despises me adorable. Juandissimo loves himself way more than he could ever love me. Cosmo has always been the favorite Godparent since he has yet to grow up himself, and during the short time Timmy's life was broadcast as a reality television series I was the third least popular character. So I can handle not being first priority. That's familiar territory. The problem I find myself in with Cosmo is that I am unsure whether I even make it onto his priority list at all.

I'm not bitter though. I may have given him the best years of my life, accepted him for who he was, faults and all, and cheerfully cleaned up after his mistakes while asking nothing in return other than his love, which he always promised me I'd have forever.

…Fine, so maybe I'm a little bitter. But who wouldn't be? He's given that nickel more special one-on-one bonding time then he's given me all month. What the heck does that nickel have that I don't?

Oh dear lord. I'm jealous of pocket change. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe me. I didn't use to be bitter, or pathetic. I used to be happy. I used to have dignity. I also used to have a loving husband. My, how times change.

I watch resentfully as Cosmo talks to 'Susan' and pauses occasionally as if expecting an answer. I've been giving him the cold shoulder since we poofed back from Cupid's but Cosmo's so enamored with his new prize that he hasn't even noticed. Or maybe he has and he just doesn't care. In the old days he could read my moods almost without even having to look at me. I guess I'm just not worth that kind of concern anymore.

I wonder if he meant it when he told Timmy today that I had 'trapped him into marriage'. I don't see how I could have. _He_ proposed to _me._ It hurts that he would insinuate that I somehow forced him. 'Force' implies 'unwillingness' which means he never wanted me to begin with. That's hard and scary to think about. The part of me that still wants to play the denial card is telling me not to.

Sometimes, when he says those things that imply he regrets having ever married me to begin with, I'm tempted to just ask him flat out if he still loves me. A few occasions I've had to physically bite my tongue to keeps the words at bay. If I asked him when he least expected it I could possibly startle an honest response from him. But I don't know if an honest response is what I really want. Even though I strongly suspect what his answer would be I don't think I could handle hearing it aloud. Because having it confirmed would make it real. It would no longer be an abstract concept in my head. It would be my reality. It's just not a reality I'm ready for. What would I even do with myself? I've been with him for so long; my entire adult life. I don't know how to be alone. And to be honest, I don't like being alone any more than Cosmo does.

But don't misunderstand me. I don't just stay because I fear the change. It's a factor I admit, after almost ten thousand years it would be a _big_ change. I stay because I love him. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. That's what makes his rejections so painful. I remember how we used to be, back when everything between us was so perfect. I don't know how or why things changed. I wish we'd had a fight. A huge knock-down drag-out fight followed by the change in our relationship. At least then I would understand exactly what had happened and have a starting place to figure out how to set things right. Without an obvious cause I have nothing to go on. When I try to instigate affection he rebuffs me. When I try to talk about our relationship he can't get away fast enough. The whole situation leaves me feeling so helpless. It's a truly horrible feeling, and so frustrating. This is something I can't fix by myself and he's not willing to even put in the effort.

Perhaps I'm over-thinking things. It's not like I keep him chained up at night. If he wanted to leave he'd be free to do so. But he hasn't left. So maybe the rift isn't as big as I think it is. Maybe he's just gotten comfortable with the way things are and is taking me for granted a little bit. Maybe he honestly doesn't mean the cruel things he says. Maybe he made that bet today knowing that even if he lost, Juandissimo couldn't actually take me off against my will. Though unusual, Cosmo can sometimes figure out a loophole that others have missed, like when he figured out how to get us out of a contract with the Head Pixie several weeks ago. Maybe to him he wasn't risking our marriage at all and I'm just taking it too personally.

Every relationship has its rough patches. We went for so long without one maybe we were just due and it'll all even out on its own if I just wait it out. I shouldn't allow myself to get so stressed. When I stress I get shrill. When I'm shrill Cosmo has even less incentive to turn back towards me. The best thing I can do is play the status quo and remain cheerful. He'll come around on his own. I'm sure of it.

Yawning, he gathers up his two prized nickels and poofs himself into his pajamas.

"You coming?" He asks, the first words he's spoken to me all evening.

"In a little bit." I respond.

He nods and poofs off with his 'children'.

He earned that nickel, so I'll give him his night. But he'd better not get too attached. It won't be long before 'Susan' is the victim of a very tragic and very mysterious 'accident'.


End file.
